I think it's time to "reinvent" the diva in myself.
For years, I've been living the life. I've had a great job, an amazing apartment, and if ever I wanted something I just went out and bought it. I had the lifestyle, but I took it for granted. I always had bigger dreams and ambitions and was never satisfied with what I had. I always pushed to be better, to have more, to do more. As I like to call it, I was the "small town boy with the big city dreams."
As many of you know, I recently relocated across the country. I left it all behind-everything. Friends. Family. The life I'd always known.
Why would I do this? I ask myself that very question each and every day. The thing is, when you hear of someone's great success story, you don't hear of an easy journey. You never hear about how they lived in a small town and one day someone just picked them out of a crowd. You hear about trials and tribulations. Errors and failures. Hard times and huge, rising successes. Am I living in a dream world? Have I done something foolish and spur of the moment?
All these thoughts have been going through my mind lately, and I'm feeling sort of overwhelmed. I'm quickly finding out that life here is so much more different and difficult than I had expected. I'm not used to the Pennsylvania way of life. To be honest, I feel as if I'm at a crossroads in my life, and I don't really know which direction to go. Do I stick it out up here and try and make it work? Do I go back to my home town, where nothing ever happens? I'm used to being in control of my life, and for the first time ever, I'm not. That scares the shit out of me. I just want to "transplant" my old lifestyle from TN to PA. Is that ridiculous?
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I have moved around my whole life. In fact I have lived in Nashville for the past 7 years and that is the longest I have ever lived in one place. I say to give it a year. Then at least you'll know you gave it a fair shot. Don't sell yourself short.
ReplyDeleteYou may have enjoyed being a big fish in a little pond, but now you are in the ocean baby! I have faith in you!
I'm sitting at my friend's apartment in Boston right now, and it hit me pretty hard yesterday as soon as I got off of the plane and on to the bus to the subway. I had a huge oh $#(! moment and did not fully understand that I was completely moving to a new, huge city and that I am definitely going to experience some new growing pains.
ReplyDeleteI still think you are doing a great thing by just attempting to think outside the box and outside of small town Tennessee into something bigger, because ultimately no matter where you end up...Tennessee is always going to be the same, and it'll always be home for you. Wether you end back up there this year or five years down the road, life continues back in TN with or without you. You'll be in the same crowd, doing the same jobs, with the same and limited opportunities. However, when you're thinking outside of it, your opportunities increase dramatically and your options are limitless, that is the beautiful thing about growing pains. You live, you learn, and you can reflect back in twenty years and say, "Wow, I really did that when I was in my twenties." Now's the time to experience the world and all of her treasures...go meet new people, try different jobs, experience new cultures...
A little anxiety isn't bad, especially when you utilize it into your favor...